“Spark” is often touted as an important indicator of long-term compatibility between couples, but what happens if your date doesn’t feel it but still wants to hang out?
Although difficult, this could be seen as an indicator that they wish to remain friends. Here is why.
- They don’t want to lead you on.
One of the biggest mistakes people make when they’re feeling insecure in a relationship is leading their partner on. This can happen subtly or not so subtly; either way it is harmful. When someone says they want to be friends with you, this usually doesn’t mean they want more; when they say they want nothing more than friendship they don’t usually mean sleeping with you or going on dates with you either way so it is crucial you recognize that so neither person leads on each other anymore.
Another common misstep involves spending time with someone they don’t feel the attraction to romantically, which can create confusion and lead to frustration as they’re spending time together but without romantic intent. Furthermore, this may lead to resentment in their friendship. No Romantic Spark But Wants to Be Friends
Ideally, when seeking to establish relationships, it’s essential not to lead someone on or get stuck in this phase of friendship. You should regularly check in with yourself to assess whether there’s still spark and set clear boundaries; if more than friendship is desired then perhaps now may be the time for change.
- They don’t want to be your friend.
If a friendship lacks romantic spark, and is only interested in being your friend, it would be wise to cut ties before things become too serious. “Spark” can vary according to individual expectations, past experiences and cultural influences – DeSantis suggests being clear with your friend about what kind of relationship you want from them and then seeing where things progress from there.
If you find yourself constantly striving to turn your relationship into something it isn’t or failing to spend enough time with your significant other, they may feel that their spark has faded. While they might still remain friendly toward you, their feelings may have changed drastically and they might stop communicating altogether, an indication of whether their interest has faded completely or just hasn’t.
When talking about their future and goals, your significant other might sound disengaged or even dismissive of spending money together or considering romantic vacation plans as potential goals – this should be taken as a warning sign that they’re more interested in being friends than romance.
If they show no desire for romantic involvement with you, it might be best to let go. You can still spend time as friends and possibly meet someone with whom there is more chemistry.
- They don’t want to sleep with you.
Chan explains that the chemistry you experience on a first or second date involves complex neural and hormonal processes. While this response might come from biological causes – for instance, your brain releasing dopamine to make you more alert and attractive – it could also stem from other sources. These could include unresolved trauma or unhealthy relationship dynamics as well as reminding you subconsciously of an attachment figure who caused pain or distress in your past relationship dynamics.
But if there’s no spark between you, but you want to remain friends? In such instances, be open and honest: rather than leading someone on and then breaking up later, it would be more honest for both parties involved to acknowledge there wasn’t an attraction between you.
Of course, they will likely be disappointed, but likely wouldn’t take offense as strongly if you told them upfront and explained why sexual relations don’t interest you anymore. They might even understand your reasoning for not engaging sexually.
On the other hand, they could have an idea in their head of what their ideal partner should look like and you don’t meet this standard – this could be due to an avoidant attachment style or cultural or familial pressures.
- They don’t want to be in a relationship with you.
If the relationship feels more like friendship than dating, but your date nights together feel like just that, this may be a telltale sign that she wants only for it to remain friendship-focused and nothing more. Perhaps she uses this strategy as a way to avoid your romantic interest or doesn’t see potential in developing more than friendship between both of you.
As relationships progress, sparks can fade over time; if passion has since dissipated it can be challenging to reignite it. If she wants you to continue hanging out together she might introduce you to some of her other friends or else simply express how you’d rather spend your time as friends instead. You could open up about your feelings by suggesting doing things as friends together in future meetings or telling her directly how much you miss her presence in your life.
Unhappily, many people never feel that “spark” when dating. Sometimes this could be due to incompatibilities – for instance if one or both individuals possess essential elements that don’t mesh together that will lead to attraction – while other times it might just be that you haven’t met anyone that sparks interest yet. Whatever it may be, remembering the old saying about kissing many frogs before finding one who resonates is absolutely accurate; so be patient and set realistic expectations and you’ll eventually find who feels right for you!